20.

I’m 20 today.

It feels like a big number, like I’m no longer a kid.

In more ways than one, I still feel like one.

I still need my mom, maybe more than I ever did.

I still cry easily.

I still rejoice in the simplest things.

My eyes glitter when it rains,

I hesitate to jump into puddles now

But I still go for a walk in the rain,

I still take rain as a sign that everything is gonna be okay.

And maybe everything will be.

I’m 20 today,

But I still fall a little too often

And need someone to pick me up

But I realize I’m all alone in this country,

That I’m on my own –

I still call my mom

But nothing feels the void that leaving home left in me.

They say this is growing up,

But if this is all there is,

I don’t wanna grow up.

I’m 20 today,

And I’m still learning

How to be okay with being alone.

I’m 20 today,

And all I hope is that I find happiness this year

That I find peace,

In myself,

And around me.

20, please be kind to me.

 

 

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