I didn’t think we’d come this far.
I didn’t know I could go this long without wrecking it with someone.
Or bailing. That’s what I do,
When things get rough, when my thoughts drive me to insanity,
And I walk out the door at 2am
“I want to be alone”, I say
I want to cry on the way home, I mean
The look on his face, when I say I should go, it kills me
It makes me feel cruel, like I don’t deserve someone so pure, so beautiful
Someone I love to death, someone I never want to lose
But my actions make it seem otherwise,
The constant urge I feel, to wreck it and run
It’s only my fear of commitment, I say
As if it’s no big deal, as if that fear isn’t choking me as we speak
Somehow, I always stay,
I feel glad I didn’t leave, until the urge creeps in again
And I wonder how long it’s going to be until I succeed,
Until I get what I seemingly want – the impending wreckage
Until he no longer begs me to stay,
And I look back before I leave.
One last glance, one last time
Then I cry on the way home.