The Embrace of Familiarity

Every time it all goes wrong, the first place that comes to mind is a safe, happy place. Home. The streets call out to me, the people I saw on a daily basis but never crossed my mind, and finally the all-too-familiar four walls that broke down my own, home.

I chose to walk away from everything I’ve ever known, and dive into the unknown. It’s all I longed for; it was a distant dream.

But now I’m here. And I’ve been here a while, long enough to know the streets but not long enough to feel as if I belong. Sometimes it seems familiar, like the arms of a lover and sometimes, it’s like waking up alone and craving the touch of a person that left you.

When your heart rests oceans away, you’re bound to feel as if you’re trapped in a stranger’s body each day you wake up.

I find happiness, but it comes crashing down each time. Maybe I have a problem, maybe I only find it in things that are ephemeral.

I fall hard. And I always pick myself up. It has become a constant cycle, and I’m scared there’ll come a day I won’t want to get up. What if the abyss I fall into each time becomes so familiar that I mistake it for home?

Maybe someday I’ll find happiness in something that lasts, maybe it’ll be within myself. Someday I’ll break the cycle, and end the downward spiral. Someday I won’t fall apart every time things don’t go right.

But for now, I’m okay. I’m coming home.








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